Coping with the aftermath of infidelity from your beloved is not easy, we all know that.
It’s totally okay to feel blown off by the idea that the person you value so much doesn’t probably value the same way or values somebody else just as much. Crying, wailing, sobbing – it’s all acceptable.
But for a while. The real deal is to get back up on your feet, face the blow with dignity and show ‘em boys they messed with the wrong lady.
Next up, it’s time for sweet revenge – but nothing homicidal, okay?
Read on to find out the 5 things you should NEVER do if you suspect your man is deceiving you and how you can actually get back at him without hurting yourself.
1. No Confrontation without Evidence
That’s the first rule of dealing with the mess of a unfaithful husband. You know he’s taking interest someone else, by way of your gut feeling, reports from friends around town or you caught him on a date with someone.
Do NOT just go up to him and start accusing him. Be stealthy, gather your evidence and then confront him to make your case strong.
All your evidence will be in a safe place, out of his reach and you’ll have him cornered. He can’t deny it when you’re armed with prints of his inappropriate emails, text messages and too-friendly pictures with another woman.
2. You Are Not Responsible for His Mistakes
It’s very common for women to think they got cheated on because they’re not beautiful enough or because they didn’t lose weight soon enough post-pregnancy. Please, that’s not why your dude cheated on you; he did it because he felt entitled to.
The real problem with cheaters is they enjoy the ego boost out of crappy escapades. They’re selfish and that’s why they use the lows of your self-esteem to pin the blame on you.
Often in moments of weakness you may begin to wonder if it’s something about you that pushed your husband away.
Was it the fact that I’ve gained ten pounds? Maybe I have been closed off and distant recently and just never realized that?
Do not let your husband make you feel like you’re responsible for his unfaithfulness. It’s all him. He did it because he wanted that ego boost from all that praise that comes with a blossoming affair.
If he’d had any problems with you, he should have discussed them instead of running off to another woman – but he didn’t, so he certainly did that for himself.
3. Don’t Accept being an “Option”
He made a commitment to you so don’t let him stall for time, telling you he’ll find a way to fix it. It’s now or never. Either he ends the affair, repents and devotes himself to you or he can pack his bags and move. Don’t go on being nice and accepting about it, stop accommodating, it will only lead them on.
Be the ONLY one or none.
4. Nope. No Begging to Save the Relationship
Don’t cry, beg or plead or enter the best wife competition. Protect your dignity, power and yourself. Get a lawyer (if you need to) and take care of yourself. Don’t drown in misery, let your anger surface and prepare for revenge by collecting the evidence against him.
Download mSpy tracking app and start collecting proof of all his naughty adventures – call, texts, photos, Facebook and Whatsapp conversations and Skype and Viber calls. Save them to your online control panel that comes with the app and get help from the law to strengthen your position.
Once you’re certain that your husband is involved elsewhere, it is natural to feel like you’re entitled to confront and thrash that other woman. But that, dear women, will take you down for sure.
You will only give your husband greater leverage to find faults in you and turn the other way. Plus, it’s not the other woman who is the main culprit; it’s your husband. He is the one who has been unfaithful to you, knowing full well that he’s not supposed to take his life with you for granted.
5. Don’t play Batman. Fixing Him Is Not Your Headache
What’s the point of useless arguments that lead nowhere? How does it help mulling over the “why” and “how”? It doesn’t change anything but it just damages you further. Every other self-help book you find on Amazon trying to understand why he betrayed you will only waste more of time and energy on him. Not you!
Keep your head high throughout dilemma and channel all that negative emotion into purposeful anger rather than pain.
No need to spend your time wondering why he did what he did and how you can fix him – you have to take care of yourself and that will not be covered by a self-help books buying spree. Refrain from begging for the marriage and giving your husband the leverage to belittle you further. You’re his spouse, not a choice.
Over to you
The why and how of it doesn’t matter any more. I know it’s hard to get past it but not impossible.
You can’t fix him for being lousy at commitment; or for being insensitive, you can only fix the situation you’re both in. If you believe he deserves another chance and what you both had can be reconstructed then work towards it.
If not, then let go of him and take care of yourself.